Excuse the fuck out of me

Excuse the fuck out of me, but isn’t it way too early for Christmas decoration and crap like that?
I have a fire burning in my veins! Hah, because that dint sound kinky at all. No what I mean is that I have a fiery rage in me. I have these aha moments when I realize this, and seriously I have this aha moment at least once a day, you’d think once in a life time is enough but Nah. Today I got this sudden burst of rage, it was really random but that didn’t stop the rage. When persons around you say to you that you need to take care of yourself you usually just say ok and go on with your day but this time I snapped. Today it was just plain fucking annoying to be told to take care of myself when the topic only was that I felt tired. And why do people feel the need to tell you to take care of yourself? If you breath, have all your limbs and haven’t killed anyone by the time you are in your twenties you have figured out how to fucking take care of yourself. Just because some people think you should eat better or have a better sleep pattern does not mean that it is the way you should live. If you are happy with how you are eating, sleeping and living why change it? Ok, if I got the message from a doctor telling me that if I continue to eat the way I do now I will die in six month I would change it a bit. But why change what I’m happy with? And who is to say that the way I live is not right for me? And what is with the fucking apologies when someone snaps for no good reason? As if you knew that the thing you say is the wrong thing to say at the moment, you are not a mind reader and saying sorry should mean you did something you know was wrong and won’t do again. And don’t say sorry for stuff you know you will do again; it’s just pointless and gives the person you are saying it to hope that you really aren’t that mean, when in fact you are.  
Can we trust other people, even our closest ones? I don’t think so; I know no one can trust me with a secret so how can I trust someone with my secrets? No, you can’t even trust the people you love. What are we supposed to do when the ones we look up to lets you down? There was one person I almost idolized I always talked to that person about stuff that bothered me and what kind of knifes and such was the best ones to buy. I always loved the fact that the person looked out for me and seemed to want to talk and hang out with me. But suddenly I never hear from that person anymore. I try to call or text but I don’t get a response and if I do it seems so cold and distant. I don’t know what to do. Except just try to let it go, but how can one let something that meant so much just go as if it never was anything at all? That person is one of the biggest reasons I am who I am now. Goddess how I hate humans sometimes. If we can’t trust and depend on those we love and have close in our lives than who the fuck can we trust? And what the fuck is it with people always saying they know you and how your mind works? I don’t even know myself so how the fuck can anyone else know me? It annoys me like crazy if I comment on something and someone says that it’s just something I say to get attention and it’s not what I really think. Dude, if it the first thing that popes out of me before I’ve even had the chance to think “oh if I say this then I’ll shock people and get attention” then that is really what I think. Just because it’s not something they think is appropriate or even sane to think or say don’t mean I don’t think or believe it. Jeez. I know I probably won’t kill and torture anyone but I still think and fantasize about it, I know that as long as I don’t go against the law I can think as much as I like. And I don’t say stuff like that out loud to get a reaction I say it because it’s what I think and I sometimes forget how damned sensitive some people are and I blurt it out before it even occurs to me that I really should shut the fuck up. I am not a good or upstanding citizen and I will never ever claim to be one but the way humans work and think now you have to pretend to be one and goddess forbid you ever say something society think is wrong. You learn from a young age what is expected of you when you are with people. You can’t say this and never ever say that. In public we need to pretend to be “normal” and nice and don’t show anything other than a nice happy mood. It is very like the penguins in Madagascar “just smile and wave! Smile and wave!” and that is what we do every time another person is near you. Even to the ones that say they “know” you. They say everything has a place and time. Well, apparently not everything has that, something’s you can never say or do. Who and when was it that decided how the world was supposed to be like. You can do this and think that and don’t stray from how this place is supposed to be. And who decided that we need to kill animals to save them from dying? If that’s not a strange way of thinking I don’t know what is. I am against hunting, but not because I think that we don’t need to eat meat like those weirdoes. If we had to hunt for food purposes I wouldn’t care one bit, but with all the slaughterhouses and farms and the fact that now in these times we can go to the store to buy meat I think it is just wrong to hunt the free living animals. “but the bears are staring to be so many and the lynx comes near our houses and the wolves are in the woods” of course the animals are coming near our houses, we have taken their natural environment from them and built big structures they are curious about and we leave lots of stuff they can eat right outside. We would do the same thing as them if we weren’t at the top of the food chain. Actually who says we are at the top? Humans think we are so damned smart and clever, but damn look at our history and then look at the history of any other animal and tell me who the smartest are! We may have technology and things like that but we actually don’t need it we just have it to make our lives easier. If we didn’t have all the technology I think we would have more peace and live better, but that’s just one persons opinion.